peaks&valleys.

::  if a woman does not keep pace with her companions, perhaps it is because she hears a different drummer.
let her step to the music which she hears, however measured or far away … ::

i’ve come to realize life is pretty funny.  there are no rules. there’s no right way.  and it definitely isn’t fair.  i’ve had a tough time accepting all that.  i knew when i decided nearly nine years ago that i wanted to chase my dream and become the best journalist i could be, in the biggest city i could reach, it wouldn’t be easy.  and i wouldn’t be able to live where i wanted right away.  and i would have to keep uprooting my life every few years.  and it would be hard to make and sustain relationships.  and “settling down” would be damn near impossible.  i decided right then and there, as a 22-year-old woman, it would be worth it in the end.  here i am, almost ten years later, still crossing my fingers i made the right decision.  my best friends have all “settled down.”  most of them are married.  a lucky few have started families and it is a true blessing to watch that happen.  but boy do i feel so very far behind.

:: she is clothed in strength & dignity. & she laughs with no fear of the future ::

when doubt starts creeping in, i am forced to remind myself: i have an amazing job — the one i always wanted.  i’ve gotten to chase down hurricanes, fly on c-130’s with the military, interview death row inmates in maximum security prison, meet celebrities, fly in hot air balloons, cry with families who have lost loved ones, report live with my toes in the sand, and deliver breaking news from behind the anchor desk.  most importantly, i’ve gotten to use my love and passion for storytelling to share people’s life stories.  sometimes they aren’t pretty or glamorous or happy.  other times, they really are.  but getting to be the one to decide how that story is told [for all the people trusting me enough to pay attention] is the biggest honor i probably will ever know.  it’s that amazing gift that keeps me trucking on.

:: the journey might not always make sense. but it’s not always about you. it’s about the lives you touch along the way ::

my amazing mother told me that once.  and her incredibly powerful words echo in my mind when i’m starting to wonder if i’ve been walking all this time down the wrong [or, rather, lonely] path.  it’s sometimes easy to forget how blessed i am to be doing what i do every single day.  but then i get an email.  a call.  a hug on the street.  all reminding me my life matters.  and what i’m doing matters.  i’ve learned when you care about people and about their lives and their stories, you make a difference.  it may just be in one single life.  but you make a difference.

:: don’t be pushed by your problems. be led by your dreams ::

they say your life has already been mapped out.  and it’s really not in your control at all.  god has a plan for us all.  and he uses us where we are needed.  sometimes i wish he’d hurry.  sometimes i wish i could skip a few chapters ahead.  or at least get the cliffs notes for a sneak peak.  sometimes i think he forgot to finish my book and i’m stuck at the bottom of a page that just won’t turn.  but there is no crystal ball.  there is no preview.  there is just life.  and i know all too well it happens at difference paces for everyone.  the only thing we can do is focus on the now.  work toward a never-ending dream.  stay passionate and caring and kind and optimistic.

:: thoughts become things ::

that’s something a blessing-of-a-friend usually has to remind me once a week.  she is my little positivity angel.  and lord knows she’s right.  if you keep faith that your life is exactly as it is supposed to be, it sheds a whole new light on it.  getting antsy won’t help anything.  and being sad or disappointed definitely won’t either.  the right thing will happen exactly when it is supposed to happen.  i truly do believe everything happens for a reason [though i sometimes wish more people would take other people’s feelings into account before making some decisions they do].  at the end of the day, i’ve learned to literally count my blessings.  that same wise angel-of-a-friend told me every night before i go to bed, thank god for five things from the day.  [she is usually one of them].  sometimes all i can come up with is the man who held the door for me.  or my cat who always knows how to give true unconditional love.  but that’s okay.  because i’ve also learned you’d be pretty hard pressed to find a day you aren’t thankful for SOMETHING.  and at the end of the day, that is all that really matters.

:: faith. ::

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